Some Facts About S/M
* S/M is not an aberration. S/M is a sexual orientation
that is found in a
percentage of the population. Surveys have listed S/M
behavior by as much as
7 to 14 % of the population, with interests at up to 50% of
the population.
To see the prevalence, just look at the public's interest
in movies, books,
and other artistic expressions with S/M as the dominant
theme. After all,
Hollywood would not invest money if there was not a large
interest.
Historically, S/M behavior was listed as a psychological
problem, as was
masturbation and homosexuality. Today, however, these
various orientations
are not considered a problem unless the person with the
lovemap is unhappy
about their interests.
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* S/M is not new. S/M activities have been performed by
many religions and
cultures. Early Christian mystics used it (flails and hair
shirts, oh my.)
Native Americans continue to use it for vision quests.
Fakirs from India use
it. That same energy can be used for spiritual journeys,
sexual ecstasy, or
personal bliss.
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* S/M is not fetishism. Fetishism substitutes an object for
relationship.
S/M can very much involve relationship. In fact, because of
the requirements
for trust and good communication, to even participate in
S/M with another
calls for the development of good relationship skills.
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* S/M is erotic psychodrama. The exchange of power in S/M
is a framework for
risk taking and for trusting. The shared reality created by
S/M gives the
participants the permission to explore their erotic
fantasies. S/M has often
been referred to as high-tech sex. The experience is
incomparable.
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* S/M does not feel like what it looks like. In the model
of the popular
press, the dominant or sadist does as he/she wishes,
without regard to the
needs of the submissive or masochist. In practice, it is
the submissive or
masochist that has the final say. We teach the need for
good communication
up front, the use of "safe" words that will stop the action
if the
submissive ever feels the event is not working, and a time
of communications
after the event so that both parties can learn and so that
the next time
will be even better.
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* S/M is not especially y dangerous. Some S/M activities
are more athletic
than others. For more strenuous activities the individuals
should be in good
physical shape, just as for any other sport. For most S/M
activities the
players must know what they are doing. The shared education
and experience
of other players can be invaluable.
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* S/M is not sexist. Sexism tries to impose
dominant-submissive roles
according to gender. In S/M roles are chosen according to
our inner
feelings. S/M is honest, shared eroticism which includes
men and women who
prefer either or both roles.
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* Sometimes S/M is done in a brief scene with a stranger.
Sometimes it is a
full time relationship. Usually S/M is done in negotiated
episodes (or
scenes) between people who know and like one another.
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* S/M is not repressed anger or covert hatred. Actually it
is impossible to
do good S/M with someone you do not like.
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* S/M takes a lot of energy, preparation, time, and
attention. Most
practitioners do a lot more of "vanilla" (i.e. non S/M) sex
than they do
S/M.
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* S/M is as much an attitude as it is action. When
traveling, the dominant
may wish to drive the car in order to be in control and
express their power;
or the submissive may wish to drive the car as an
expression of taking care
of their dominant. Who's in charge is far from obvious. It
is a dance
involving both parties.
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* S/M people come from all walks of life. Some come from
abusive backgrounds
and practicing S/M can be part of their healing. Some come
from healthy
families and are looking for self fulfillment. Some
identify as "liters',
having S/M fantasies from their earliest memories. Still
others are new to
the concept and felt a connection when they tried it. S/M
people come from
all genders and orientations. As a result, S/M groups have
been on the
forefront of establishing common ground between
heterosexuals, gays, and
lesbians.
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* S/M people are everywhere. There are national
organizations, such as the
National Leather Association. There are local chapters of
the NLA in many
states. There are many independent local organizations
supporting people in
the S/M life-style. These local organizations have
different charters and
purposes. There are many local organizations whose charter
includes
individuals of all genders, gender orientations, and all
associated
fetishes. Every year some of these organizations put on
local and national
conferences and conventions. Some of these conventions may
have only a
hundred or so attendees. Others have thousands. Like any
convention, there
are meetings discussing a variety of topics, as well as a
vendors' exhibit
area with the S/M life-style equipment and literature of
the available for
purchase. To attend one of these conventions is to truly
know that we are
not alone.
NLA:I's Living In Leather X info package
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